BUDDY



WHAT WOULD POSSESS YOU TO PUT PROWL IN SUNSTREAKER'S PACKAGING? DON'T YOU KNOW THAT THEY'RE NOT EVEN ALIKE? THIS IS THE SORT OF MISCONCEPTION THAT WILL RUIN TRANSFORMERS FOREVER. I DO NOT KNOW WHICH ONE WOULD BE MORE INSULTED BY THIS.

HE'S NOT EVEN A REPAINT.

Final papers are very slowly dissolving my head. :(

Until I can take care of that little problem, here, I just officially either made or ruined your day.

I mean, talk about an unfortunate expression. Paint him in varying shades of gray and you could plunk him smack-dab into Steamboat Willie and nobody would be the wiser. I can't wait to see who else gets this PHHHHT OH MY GOD GUYS DID YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENED TO HIS FACE?

I bought Prowl a couple of weeks ago because my plan was to take pictures of him high-fiving Bulkhead a la "Total Meltdown" anywhere that would allow me to stick a rediculous caption reminiscent of The Todd underneath the photo. I had such grandiose visions of them high-fiving near a Starbucks cup (pretentiousness-five!), a Cruel Intentions DVD (incest-five!) and on top of my dad's motorcycle (redundancy-five!). Alas, this was not to be because Bulkhead's mind-blowing shortness combined with his inability to reach to Prowl's height and the fact that Prowl doesn't bend at the wrists (he's still a prick, even as a toy) made this task impossible. I guess I'll have to wait for Leader-class Bulkhead, which I am absolutely going to buy because fuck you, it's Bulkhead.

I mean, he's really short. ( Napoleonic complex short. )

Despite my plan being shot to hell, I still had Prowl. And hey, while we're talking about Prowl, let's talk about how I once again failed to heed wisdom. I read the Shortpacked blog regularly, and Willis gave a glowing review of his toy with the exception of him noting that Prowl's legs were pretty easy to pop off. "Ha ha," I murmured. "How rough do you have to be transforming him that that's going to happen?" So then I went out and got Prowl. And then I transformed Prowl.

By my count, I made him a quadruple amputee no less than three times. Prowl became Torso Boy with alarming regularity, shedding limbs the same way that a snake sheds its skin. I would reattach an arm or leg, only to have it fly off again as soon as I tried to progress to the next stage of his transformation. I actually gave up and left one leg lying on my desk until the other one popped off, prompting me to reattach both before I forgot which leg went where. But when all is said and done, Prowl is very deserving of all the praise he gets. His toy is spot-on with the character model and easy to pose (despite the lack of articulation at the wrists, which will forever burn my biscuits because THAT'S THE ONE AREA I NEEDED HIM TO BEND AT), and man am I ever jealous of his cheekbones. However, I noticed something about Prowl as soon as I deployed his legs.

Prowl, for lack of a more delicate term, is packing.

You think I'm being facetious. You think I'm joking. But no. Prowl is 100% man, and he is not ashamed to show the world.

( Stay classy, Prowl. )

Absolutely surreal, no? That is a dick on a dick. This makes handling him 502572548 times more awkward, because every time I moved his leg, or popped a leg back on, or turned his waist, THERE IT WAS. And I would go, "eugh, pseudo-robo-wang!" and drop him, causing his leg to fly off again. I felt like I was breaching some form of etiquette. I kept wanting to state a disclaimer every time I got near It, saying something like "I swear to god, I really don't want to molest you, but I have to. Just lie back and think of Iacon." All because Prowl decided to go commando and forgot that he also doesn't wear pants.

However, I can't very well just cut It off because that would hurt my mind even worse, so Prowl's dong stays as God and Hasbro intended. I am working on coming to terms with this, and have given It the name of Claude.

The next Animated figure on my to-get list is Lockdown, so he and Prowl can have a sissy slap fight.

( Due to some minor spoilers, my thoughts on Johann Krauss's figure are under the cut. )

But fuck that, I wanted to take some pictures of Hellboy characters schmoozing with Transformers, and that was what I was fuckin' going to do.

( I still maintain that a TF/Hellboy crossover would be nothing short of orgasmic. )

I JOINED THE TRANSOEKAKI BOARD ON ELLENSAMA.COM

I FEEL SO BAD FOR THESE PEOPLE.

( IRONHIDE IS A BROKEN MAN DUE TO THE DOLPHIN IN THE BACKGROUND. HE IS APPARENTLY TYRA BANKS. )

AND THEN I WONDER WHY I'M GOING TO SCHOOL TO BECOME A WRITER.

I AM!

I'm going to be AWOL from the internet for a while because, lol, MOVING TO NEW MEXICO. So I decided to leave you all with a little present.




SEE YOU GUYS IN LIKE TWO WEEKS.