Very rarely do I feel the need to write any entries about my personal life. The reason being, of course, that I am a terrifically dull person, and my personal life is not that fun or amusing to read about. So understand, friends list, how monumental this is for me to mention it to you. You see, I live a few minutes away from a beautiful road that winds through a rural town named Corrales. Driving on it, you nearly forget that you are in New Mexico. There's grass. There's water, and the trees (they have trees!) are always a lush shade of green. The bland, desaturated reds, greens and browns that make up my daily life are forgotten on this road. There are horses grazing.

This road is also near a portal to some kind of fucking crazy alternate dimension that MC Escher must have had a hand in creating.

Of course, what I saw yesterday was only the straw that broke the camel's back; there have been other bizarre events that have happened since I have been here, and they have all taken place on that fucking road. There was the time I nearly ran over a peacock over while driving the family car. The time I saw the redneck convertible (which was a pickup truck with two additional seats nailed into the bed). The little kid, stumbling about while taking sips of something obscured by a paper bag.

But then, yesterday, I saw something that shook my faith to the core. As I was driving down this beautiful back road, on my way to the mall so I could walk around and not actually buy anything, I saw a dude on a bike. This is common in Corrales; motherfuckers bike everywhere. But then I saw that this dude was shirtless. This was less common, but I only sighed, because my times in high school have taught me to be tolerant of shirtless douchebags. But then I passed him, looked in my rear view mirror, and my life was irrevocably altered.

What I saw was a shirtless guy riding a bike, eating an ear of corn.

Take a moment to process this.

Shirtless guy on bike. Corn.

After I pushed aside the obvious question (how was he able to eat the corn with only one hand!?), my mind was instead flooded with more misgivings. What happened to his shirt? And the corn; where did the corn figure into all of this? Where was he so desperate to get to that this man decided to skip putting his shirt on and decided to eat a healthy snack on the way there, instead of in the comfort of his own home? Was his house burning down? Was he off to alert the authorities about the house fire that had consumed his shirts while he was eating his corn? And why was he not wearing his helmet?

And why the fuck was he eating an ear of corn, shirtless, on a bike!? I felt as if a giant hand had plucked me from my car and deposited me in a Salvador Dali painting. Life, for a moment, became surreal. I had the distinct feeling that I was in a Dada exhibit, which I will always resent because my friend is really into Dadaism and made me go to the fucking MoMA while I wanted to go to the Museum of Natural History. And this fellow, this man on his pedaled chariot, took me back to the day where I realized that I was not going to be able to see the T-Rex skeleton and make it talk like Grimlock. I imagine that this fellow made other people question their existence as he went on his way. Perhaps there were others, like me, who relived the darkest moments of their lives when they glimpsed him. And perhaps they will reevaluate their lives as well, and ask themselves "before this moment, have I ever truly lived?"

So to you, Shirtless Guy on Bike Eating Corn, I say ride on, you crazy devil. Continue to pedal your way through Corrales-no, through our hearts-spreading your surreal message and carving through the soil of our hearts and minds so that we may plant the seeds of enlightenment.

Also, I found out the other day that I was accepted to the University of New Mexico. Woo! College!

ko_pilot and I have the world's best conversations.

( On weekends I get to wear the Optimus Prime voice-changer helmet. )

YOU CAN'T STOP OUR LOVE :c

I JOINED THE TRANSOEKAKI BOARD ON ELLENSAMA.COM

I FEEL SO BAD FOR THESE PEOPLE.

( IRONHIDE IS A BROKEN MAN DUE TO THE DOLPHIN IN THE BACKGROUND. HE IS APPARENTLY TYRA BANKS. )

AND THEN I WONDER WHY I'M GOING TO SCHOOL TO BECOME A WRITER.

SO UH

WHO ELSE WATCHED THE HOUSE SEASON FINALE?

HAY GUYS.

KNOCK KNOCK.

WHO'S THERE?

I EAT MOP.